Archive for the ‘featured’ Category

The Charles Dickens quote: “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times …” would seem to qualify as the motto of America over the past few years. It has been the best of times because technological innovations have made life exciting. It has opened up opportunities that just a few decades ago would have seemed unimaginable. The Internet, the obvious crowning achievement of the technological revolution, has made millionaires out of ordinary people who probably would never had enjoyed wealth if they had to create it by traditional means. The innovations introduced by technology made the world smaller. At the same time it has made global access to people easy and common.

But it has also been the worst of times because the newly accepted climate of change fostered by technology’s influence literally redefined everything from work habits to social trends, that in so many cases has not been for the better. While it will be argued against for some time, we believe that these new trends have severely challenged the very framework of what is called family. There is a stark contrast between the technologically influenced nuevo-family and the family of a few decades ago. The new family clusters seem so temporary in their duration and so fragmented in their construction.

Enduring relationships that span decades are threatened by the sheer amount of socially accepted alternatives that now enjoy complete freedom from scrutiny or scorn. We would like to suggest, however, that there remain some tried and true principles and practices for relationships that cannot be improved upon. In other words, everything new is not necessarily better. One area where the preceding observation is especially true is the institution we have euphemistically called “The Family of Friendship.”

You will notice that we cleverly tried to avoid using the term “Traditional Family” because we are well aware that decades, centuries and even millennia ago families have had challenges and failures. But long before there were chat rooms and social networking where true identities are masked behind avatars and pseudonyms, there was the strength derived from family friends. In our neighborhoods we had families “down the street” who became part of our family. We ate at each others houses, spent the nights together and over time became so close that to being at their houses was almost as good as being in our own homes.

From this fabric of family friends are made the adorning garments that make a community special. Years pass, careers are made and people move but the friendships endure. “We haven’t seen each other for years, and yet now that we’re together it seems like we just saw each other yesterday” is the kind of observation often made by good friends. So solid is this concept that the Bible acknowledges the power of a friend. Prov. 18:24b… and there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother. Prov 17:17 “A friend loves at all times.”

Recently the circle of friends we are honored to be a part of endured a set of profound challenges that brought us all back together again. We had deaths, sicknesses and a severe attack on the very livelihood of one of our friends. Without a hint of hesitation, members of our Family of Friends responded to the needs of the group, as they would have had it been a national emergency. And within the context of our particular assignment being Family Ties we reflected on the ramifications of ministry, the theme of this month’s column. While we strongly champion the institution of family, we caution us all to avoid the idea that all one needs is their family. The idea is captured in the saying, “my wife and me; our four and no more.” But we do need more. We need people in our lives that care about us, are interested in us and that are prepared to support and help us.

One of the greatest blessings a person can enjoy is that of good friends who are committed to the relationship. These people who do not share actual biological ties but who are so close to us that our children feel comfortable calling them aunts and uncles or cousins. To do so is not a mere coincidence but rather demonstrates the powerful influence and meaning good friends bring to life.

And it is in the times of struggle and pain that the ministry of good friends is most appreciated. For ministry is after all service. It is the love of God expressed in acts of kindness, words of comfort, and the powerful and soothing effect just being there produces.

Developing the Family of Friendship in your life is not accomplished by accident. The first part of the Bible verse we shared earlier states that to have friends you must show yourself friendly… Ministry is about caring and in order to care one must overcome selfishness, protectionism and fear. Actually the ability to be a good friend requires you to risk being hurt and unappreciated. All attempts to develop meaningful relationships will not be successful. Sometimes you have to love people alone. But the risks associated with the ministry of friendship cannot compare to the rich benefits derived from investing in the lives of others.

The recommendation to “cast your bread upon the waters and in many days you will find it” applies to more than just financial matters. There is a wonderful reciprocity built into ministering to others. If you give, it shall be given back to you. This is not just a promise, it is a principle- a kind of law of life. In the worst of times for others your ministry as a family friend can turn it into the best of times.

Yes, technology has made a significant contribution to our lives. Getting an email announcing that there is a greeting card waiting for us if we just click the link below is convenient. But it does not have the same effect as going to the mailbox and finding a card with a personal note inside written in the handwriting of a friend that says I’ve been thinking about you does.

Won’t you take a moment now and call someone or drop by and let him or her know that you were thinking about them? We know they will be glad that you did. God bless you.

What happened to wisdom? It used to be that one of the real assets in being a part of a family was access to passed down wisdom. We remember what it was like as children to hear our fathers tell stories. We would be sitting at the dinner table or riding in the car and before you knew it the stories would flow.

But there was a mission behind the stories. They were really dispensed wisdom in story form. Of course, over the years, we had heard the stories so much we knew the punch lines, the object lessons and even the verbiage of the stories. And yes, we would fuss and roll our eyes, behind their backs only, when we heard the opening line of their stories because we knew them backwards and forwards.

It wasn’t until we got grown that we realized that the whole intent of the stories was to saturate our thinking with the wisdom they brought with them. One of the major object lessons from the stories was the warning not to be so heavenly minded that we were no earthly good. Ok, dad, maybe you’ve gone too far we thought. Would Jesus approve of anything called wisdom that dared to challenge the spirituality of a person? Surely not!

The truth is the “truism” of heavenly minded/earthly good has nevertheless served us well down through the years and of course Jesus didn’t mind. Here is the crux of the matter. Faith, a positive attitude, even resiliency are all wonderful attributes that help us cope with uncertainties in life. However, if they are either misunderstood or worse misapplied, their use can produce devastating consequences.

Yes, God will provide, he’s a bridge over troubled waters, and more. But he also expects us to be balanced and reasoned in our approach to handling our affairs. We like the often overlooked observation in the Joshua’s book. The children of Israel had successfully crossed over into the Promised Land. There is a little sentence that has major value in his book. The quote is “…and the manna ceased or stopped.” What! That’s it, you ask? Yes, that’s it. The manna stopped.

All while the children of Israel were walking blindly through the wilderness, having no sense of direction or purpose, but knowing that their very survival was completely dependent upon God’s direct intervention, God provided the food for them in the form of manna. But when He brought them to the place where they were to live out their destinies, he stopped directly feeding them with the understanding that now they had the capacity to feed themselves. So, the manna stopped.

We are often confronted with families that are teetering on the brink of disaster. They come to us desperate for quick answers. Really though they want quick answers to a problem that has been slowly developing! The real problem though is while they were busy living, they failed to properly handle the family business. But when they talk to us they are quick to reassure us that God is going to work it out.

While that sounds like faith, in many cases it is nothing more than denial. We are very strong advocates for having an active and energized faith. But we are advocates of the process of initiative, smart work and common sense as well – even if it is not as common as it used to be.

Hiding bill envelopes in the desk drawer with the idea of getting to it sooner or later is not good business. Avoiding meeting with creditors because you don’t like “drama” is not good business. And waiting until the day before the court date or the deadline before reaching out for help and a solution is not good business. Let us give you some tips for the proper handling of “Family Business.”

First understand that there really is something called Family Business. Think of your family as a corporation. You have a product – a successful family lifestyle. Your mission statement could be something like, having a vision for the future, we prepare now one day at a time. Your vision statement could be “Making sure our children call us blessed.”

The CEO of the corporation is the head of the house. The chief operating officer and financial comptroller is probably your companion. Your work force should include your children. Yes, there is nothing wrong with giving work assignments to your children. It does wonders for building character in them. Your accounts receivables are your incomes. Of course, your accounts payable are your bills. Your assets are all the valuable things you own. You have a family business.

Here are some tips for making the family business work. First, acknowledge that you have a family business and that it needs to be cared for and developed. Secondly, learn the value of outsourcings. Its called getting some help. The things that you’re good at you should do. But if you know that you cannot handle money for instance, outsource. Let someone trustworthy help keep your Family Business solvent.

Third, have regular business meetings. The management committee should never be in the dark about the issues associated with the Family Business. Decisions made should be the result of open and honest discussions. Don’t forget to develop an incentive program to reward you when business goals are met. A nice business meeting in Hawaii every now and then really works. Most importantly make sure that the business is solid enough to thrive even after the principles have retired.

Oh, before we end, let us remind you to tell your stories. Someone can benefit from you retelling both what you did well and what you didn’t.