The Charles Dickens quote: “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times …” would seem to qualify as the motto of America over the past few years.  It has been the best of times because technological innovations have made life exciting.   It has opened up opportunities that just a few decades ago would have seemed unimaginable.   The Internet, the obvious crowning achievement of the technological revolution, has made millionaires out of ordinary people who probably would never had enjoyed wealth if they had to create it by traditional means.  The innovations introduced by technology made the world smaller.  At the same time it has made global access to people easy and common.
But it has also been the worst of times because the newly accepted climate of change fostered by technology’s influence literally redefined everything from work habits to social trends, that in so many cases has not been for the better.  While it will be argued against for some time, we believe that these new trends have severely challenged the very framework of what is called family.   There is a stark contrast between the technologically influenced nuevo-family and the family of a few decades ago.   The new family clusters seem so temporary in their duration and so fragmented in their construction.

Enduring relationships that span decades are threatened by the sheer amount of socially accepted alternatives that now enjoy complete freedom from scrutiny or scorn. We would like to suggest, however, that there remain some tried and true principles and practices for relationships that cannot be improved upon.  In other words, everything new is not necessarily better.  One area where the preceding observation is especially true is the institution we have euphemistically called “The Family of Friendship.”

You will notice that we cleverly tried to avoid using the term “Traditional Family” because we are well aware that decades, centuries and even millennia ago families have had challenges and failures.  But long before there were chat rooms and social networking where true identities are masked behind avatars and pseudonyms, there was the strength derived from family friends.  In our neighborhoods we had families “down the street” who became part of our family.  We ate at each other’s houses, spent the nights together and over time became so close that to being at their houses was almost as good as being in our own homes.
From this fabric of family friends are made the adorning garments that make a community special.  Years pass, careers are made and people move but the friendships endure.  “We haven’t seen each other for years, and yet now that we’re together it seems like we just saw each other yesterday” is the kind of observation often made by good friends.  So solid is this concept that the Bible acknowledges the power of a friend. Prov. 18:24b… and there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother.  Prov 17:17 “A friend loves at all times.”

Recently the circle of friends we are honored to be a part of endured a set of profound challenges that brought us all back together again.  We had deaths, sicknesses and a severe attack on the very livelihood of one of our friends.  Without a hint of hesitation, members of our Family of Friends responded to the needs of the group, as they would have had it been a national emergency. And within the context of our particular assignment being Family Ties we reflected on the ramifications of ministry, the theme of this month’s column.  While we strongly champion the institution of family, we caution us all to avoid the idea that all one needs is their family.  The idea is captured in the saying, “my wife and me; our four and no more.”  But we do need more.  We need people in our lives that care about us, are interested in us and that are prepared to support and help us.
One of the greatest blessings a person can enjoy is that of good friends who are committed to the relationship.  These people who do not share actual biological ties but who are so close to us that our children feel comfortable calling them aunts and uncles or cousins.  To do so is not a mere coincidence but rather demonstrates the powerful influence and meaning good friends bring to life.
And it is in the times of struggle and pain that the ministry of good friends is most appreciated.  For ministry is after all service.  It is the love of God expressed in acts of kindness, words of comfort, and the powerful and soothing effect just being there produces.
Developing the Family of Friendship in your life is not accomplished by accident.  The first part of the Bible verse we shared earlier states that to have friends you must show yourself friendly…  Ministry is about caring and in order to care one must overcome selfishness, protectionism and fear.  Actually the ability to be a good friend requires you to risk being hurt and unappreciated.  All attempts to develop meaningful relationships will not be successful.  Sometimes you have to love people alone.  But the risks associated with the ministry of friendship cannot compare to the rich benefits derived from investing in the lives of others.
The recommendation to “cast your bread upon the waters and in many days you will find it” applies to more than just financial matters.  There is a wonderful reciprocity built into ministering to others.  If you give, it shall be given back to you.  This is not just a promise, it is a principle- a kind of law of life.  In the worst of times for others your ministry as a family friend can turn it into the best of times.
Yes, technology has made a significant contribution to our lives.  Getting an email announcing that there is a greeting card waiting for us if we just click the link below is convenient.  But it does not have the same effect as going to the mailbox and finding a card with a personal note inside written in the handwriting of a friend that says I’ve been thinking about you does.
Won’t you take a moment now and call someone or drop by and let him or her know that you were thinking about them?  We know they will be glad that you did.  God bless you.

Tags: Family, technorev, divorce recovery, husbands, wives, children