Family Business

What happened to wisdom? It used to be that one of the real assets in being a part of a family was access to passed down wisdom. We remember what it was like as children to hear our fathers tell stories. We would be sitting at the dinner table or riding in the car and before you knew it the stories would flow.

But there was a mission behind the stories. They were really dispensed wisdom in story form. Of course, over the years, we had heard the stories so much we knew the punch lines, the object lessons and even the verbiage of the stories. And yes, we would fuss and roll our eyes, behind their backs only, when we heard the opening line of their stories because we knew them backwards and forwards.

It wasn’t until we got grown that we realized that the whole intent of the stories was to saturate our thinking with the wisdom they brought with them. One of the major object lessons from the stories was the warning not to be so heavenly minded that we were no earthly good. Ok, dad, maybe you’ve gone too far we thought. Would Jesus approve of anything called wisdom that dared to challenge the spirituality of a person? Surely not!

The truth is the “truism” of heavenly minded/earthly good has nevertheless served us well down through the years and of course Jesus didn’t mind. Here is the crux of the matter. Faith, a positive attitude, even resiliency are all wonderful attributes that help us cope with uncertainties in life. However, if they are either misunderstood or worse misapplied, their use can produce devastating consequences.

Yes, God will provide, he’s a bridge over troubled waters, and more. But he also expects us to be balanced and reasoned in our approach to handling our affairs. We like the often overlooked observation in the Joshua’s book. The children of Israel had successfully crossed over into the Promised Land. There is a little sentence that has major value in his book. The quote is “…and the manna ceased or stopped.” What! That’s it, you ask? Yes, that’s it. The manna stopped.

All while the children of Israel were walking blindly through the wilderness, having no sense of direction or purpose, but knowing that their very survival was completely dependent upon God’s direct intervention, God provided the food for them in the form of manna. But when He brought them to the place where they were to live out their destinies, he stopped directly feeding them with the understanding that now they had the capacity to feed themselves. So, the manna stopped.

We are often confronted with families that are teetering on the brink of disaster. They come to us desperate for quick answers. Really though they want quick answers to a problem that has been slowly developing! The real problem though is while they were busy living, they failed to properly handle the family business. But when they talk to us they are quick to reassure us that God is going to work it out.

While that sounds like faith, in many cases it is nothing more than denial. We are very strong advocates for having an active and energized faith. But we are advocates of the process of initiative, smart work and common sense as well – even if it is not as common as it used to be.

Hiding bill envelopes in the desk drawer with the idea of getting to it sooner or later is not good business. Avoiding meeting with creditors because you don’t like “drama” is not good business. And waiting until the day before the court date or the deadline before reaching out for help and a solution is not good business. Let us give you some tips for the proper handling of “Family Business.”

First understand that there really is something called Family Business. Think of your family as a corporation. You have a product – a successful family lifestyle. Your mission statement could be something like, having a vision for the future, we prepare now one day at a time. Your vision statement could be “Making sure our children call us blessed.”

The CEO of the corporation is the head of the house. The chief operating officer and financial comptroller is probably your companion. Your work force should include your children. Yes, there is nothing wrong with giving work assignments to your children. It does wonders for building character in them. Your accounts receivables are your incomes. Of course, your accounts payable are your bills. Your assets are all the valuable things you own. You have a family business.

Here are some tips for making the family business work. First, acknowledge that you have a family business and that it needs to be cared for and developed. Secondly, learn the value of outsourcings. It’s called getting some help. The things that you’re good at you should do. But if you know that you cannot handle money for instance, outsource. Let someone trustworthy help keep your Family Business solvent.

Third, have regular business meetings. The management committee should never be in the dark about the issues associated with the Family Business. Decisions made should be the result of open and honest discussions. Don’t forget to develop an incentive program to reward you when business goals are met. A nice business meeting in Hawaii every now and then really works. Most importantly make sure that the business is solid enough to thrive even after the principles have retired.

Oh, before we end, let us remind you to tell your stories. Someone can benefit from you retelling both what you did well and what you didn’t.

One of the hardest realities for highly motivated people to accept is the notion that hard work is not always the best way to get things done. Conventional wisdom suggests that if you work hard and harder, great things will come to you. Too often though the hard workers are disillusioned because their hard work hasn’t produced the rewards they had hoped to achieve.

Good people proud of their work ethic have to wrestle with the perception that people who don’t work nearly as hard seem to be enjoying much greater success. What is the problem they wonder? The answer is hard work is not as valuable as smart work. Discovering the best way to work is much more rewarding that working your fingers to the bone.

This reality is also quite valuable when the subject is interpersonal relationships – our fancy term for getting along in the family. Let us appeal once again to conventional wisdom for family relationships. Much of what we know about how to get along in families is really a compiled body of ideas and methods which have been touted from one generation to the other. These ideas are presented by mothers to their daughters while dinner is prepared or by fathers to their sons as they work on cars.

The picture of wisdom being passed down from generation to generation is endearing. However, passed down ideas, recommendations and quaint sayings don’t qualify to be called “Wisdom” just because they come from mothers and fathers or from the older generation to the younger. Wisdom is wisdom because whatever is being called wise actually works, is safe and produces results. Wisdom, when followed, should allow its hearer to avoid the hazards of risky behavior

For hard workers hard work is the solution to all issues. Whatever is wrong can be made right with hard work. In family relationships, love is thought to be the panacea for conflict resolution and for insuring that long and happy lives together are realized. But with the dramatic rise in dysfunctional families being so easy to prove, the hard reality is love alone is not enough. Love won’t fix everything and love as powerful as it is cannot make the mortgage payment.

One day we received an emergency call to come quickly. The wife was running down the street away from her home as if she was being chased by a predator. When we finally caught up to her driving alongside her she declared that she couldn’t take it anymore. We offered to help. We couldn’t imagine what was so bad for her that she would literally run away.

When we brought her back to the house we found her husband sitting looking bewildered and distraught. He protested, “I’ve tried to do the right thing and she won’t work with me.” The normally quiet wife erupted with her response, “Why do I have to beg for money to buy stockings?” We know you’re thinking, please tell us about a real problem. Well, this is a real problem.

The husband was dedicated to making sure that his family’s future was financially secure. He was so disciplined that he could account for every penny he’d earned – literally! So, even though he worked a middle class level job, he was determined to manage his money, ooopps we mean their money, in such a way that no matter what happened they would be prepared.

He was doing the right thing, but clearly he was doing it the wrong way. His goal was admirable. However, he was so driven to do the right thing that his methods of getting it done were driving his wife out of his life. It is right to prepare for the future, but it is wrong to be so focused on the future that you miss all the joy of living in the present.

A father concerned about his daughter’s reputation and afraid of what her life would be like if she got pregnant, scrutinized her every move. He monitored her calls, screened all her friends, searched her belongings, and was suspicious of any requests she made to go out. He was going to insure that she grew up right. Unfortunately, all he guaranteed was that his daughter would grow up hating her father.

He was doing the right thing but definitely the wrong way. Being a concerned and involved parent is right, but creating an atmosphere of tension and suspicion in the very place where love, nurturing and affirmation should reign supreme is wrong.

In both of these examples the actions of the principles were shaped by what they thought was the right way. But a sustained success depends upon much more than themes and easily remembered wise sayings. The themes and saying may point you in the right direction but knowing what works for you takes time, a lot of effort and, believe it or not, trial and error – a major source of wisdom.

If you notice that too many things you’re trying to accomplish seem instead to be producing anxiety, tension and trouble in your home, ask yourself am I trying to do the right thing the wrong way? If your heart answers back yes, then grab the courage you need to change. Remember you’re half way there because you’re doing the right thing and soon you’ll be doing it the right way. God bless you.

Bishop & Mama

Teaching is not always performed in universities or secondary educational institutions. Many of life’s lessons good and bad are taught away from the formal classrooms and instead are presented in the streets and through media outlets. One would be hard pressed to find in academic catalogs any courses entitled ‘How to be a great husband or wife’ or ‘Elements of Sibling Harmony 101.’ No, these interpersonal relationships must either be forged on the anvil of home education or processed by personal trial and error observations.

Probably the most important lesson of all, love, almost has more teachers than students. It seems that everyone has something to say about love. Forrest Gump knows what “Love” is. An understandably cynical Tina Turner wonders ‘What’s Love Got To Do With It?’ Roberta Flack and Donny Hathaway impatiently demand to know ‘Where is the Love…you said you’d give to me as soon as you were free; will it ever be?’ Oh, and here is a piece of advice ‘If You Can’t Be With the one You Love, Love the one you’re with.’ A prominent newspaper cartoon artist teaches that ‘Love means never having to say you’re sorry.’ And, the rainbow movement insists that it doesn’t matter whom you choose to love because love is love.

What are the lessons behind the lessons? Forrest impregnates Jenny, a childhood friend from a broken and abusive home, who cannot bring herself to commit or marry. Tina isn’t very keen on love when the one who is supposed to love her assumes that love entitles him to beat, humiliate and selfishly manipulate her. Where is the Love? The question belongs in the mouth of the about to be jilted husband and wife who are being accused of enslaving their companions and whose love is about to be stolen. Commitment is thrown away when we are encouraged to ‘love the one you’re with’ for no other reason than that you don’t have access to the one you love.

Love doesn’t come from unrealistic expectations. So, why should we expect that we would never have to say we’re sorry? Saying you’re sorry is a form of asking for forgiveness. One of the real treasures of a true relationship is being able to ask for and receive forgiveness. Misunderstandings even unintended conflict problems are parts of relationships. But they are resolved with forgiveness. Being forgiven can actually improve relationships.

As far as we’re concerned the best love teacher is God our father and the best love textbook is 1 Corinthians 13. Hear its words of instructions as found in the Message Bible version: Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than for self. Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have. Love doesn’t strut, doesn’t have a swelled head, doesn’t force itself on others, Isn’t always “me first,” Doesn’t fly off the handle, Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others, Doesn’t revel when others grovel, Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, Puts up with anything, Trusts God always, Always looks for the best, Never looks back, But keeps going to the end. Love never dies.

This is one lesson plan that needs no revisions but does come with a promise. Build your relationships according to this blueprint and you will both know love and be loving. For this lesson contains underlying themes that are the key components of Love. These components include self-sacrifice, unwavering commitment, patience, contentment, the spirit of an encourager, the ability to rebound from disappointments, the grace to offer second chances, and dependability.

How can we consider the concept of love without consulting the greatest expression of Love to be found anywhere? We realize that the best example of Love comes from Love himself. He is the best one to consult when learning about love is the desire. And we reject the complaint that the standard is too high. The love lessons he presents were written with us in mind. We really don’t need to tell you the story. All we need to do is give you the code – St. John 3:16! God so loved that he gave… The concept of giving as the expression of love is in stark contrast to the prevailing expectation of love in our time.

So many people believe that getting things or favors or advantages should reward their love. Not so, giving is the key. Remember when you were feeling low? Maybe you lost a basketball game, maybe you did poorly on a school test, or no one asked you to the prom? You came home sullen and dejected. It was the simple but powerful act of your mother or father giving you a hug and kind words telling you that everything was going to be all right that healed your wounds.

It could be that not too long ago you started thinking about how much you’ve done for your family or your business. You felt unappreciated. You were exhausted and contemplated giving up. Then on a day of no particular significance you arrive at your desk to find a beautifully wrapped box there. You can’t tell right away what it is or whom it’s from, but you tear open the package to find a beautiful gift with a note attached. As you read the message a smile or tears or both change your face. That one act of giving erased months of built up frustration. Love that gives is powerful.

Now if the best love is a giving love then the best giving love is the love that gives to those that cannot give back. Make someone’s day; change someone’s life view by showing the love that will turn bitter into sweet.

We are in the season of giving and loving of family and friends. We wish you much happiness, joy, and peace. But most of all our hope and prayer for you is that the promise of a new year will be the promise of love. God bless you.

It was a beautiful, warm, Autumn Saturday afternoon in a small town in Kansas. I was there to conduct a meeting with men of the Church to share with them wonderful insights about walking with God by faith. The organizer of the meeting decided that the best way to keep the attention of the men was to have the meeting out in the woods. And the best way to get to the woods while keeping the event full of fun would be to make the trip via horseback.

It had been a long time since I had been on a horse. And I had some concern about doing so that day. However, not willing to buck the trend, I decided to ride the horse. However, at the last moment, the organizer decided that the horse I had picked to ride wasn’t the best horse for me. They switched me into the largest horse they had. I mounted the horse and took off riding towards a small lake. I was doing well until the horse decided to take me where I didn’t want to go.

I asked a horse to stop; “Whoa I said!” The next thing I knew I was flying through the air and landed on my shoulder dislocating it. I tell this story because of what happened afterwards. I was rushed to the local hospital, and they provided very good care. But the first thing they asked me when I arrived at the hospital, long before asking me how I felt, was if I had insurance. I didn’t get to see a doctor, radiology technician or even a nurse until the hospital was satisfied that I could pay for the treatments.

The economic uncertainties we all face have produced an anxiety that is real and will persist for the foreseeable future. It is in times of economic challenges that families reassess their financial conditions. This assessment includes ranking all expenditures based upon perceived need, essential need and things that they could do without. Unfortunately, too often healthcare expenditures end up in the “what they could do without” category.

This is most unfortunate. Why? Because maintaining good health is both a long-term and short-term benefit. The short-term benefit of course is finding and fixing medical issues to restore us to health. The long-term benefit is that our dreams, visions and goals are better realized because we are around to see them fulfilled.

The truth is that maintaining a health program is usually more cost effective because the sooner issues are managed the great the likelihood that the remedy will take a shorter amount of time to produce, and therefore be less expensive.

The reality though for so many of our families is that there is no real policy established for our health management just like many families do not have a real policy for dealing with their finances. Too often health issues are only dealt with when emergencies demand our attention. The sad fact though is that by the time we are forced to deal with health issues the conditions usually are much more serious and difficult to treat than they would have been if a health program was in place.

We realize that the issues of healthcare in families are not solely a problem of economics. There are other fundamental pressures brought to bear on this problem. Namely, the cultural thoughts, persistent myths and ideas about the healthcare system, doctors specifically. These myths include the idea that if you have surgery for cancer that once they “open you up and the air hits the cancer, it will spread like wildfire.”

Other thoughts include suspicions about doctors’ abilities, medicines’ real effectiveness and the desperate belief that there are real cures to be found in holding pieces of quarts crystals, eating ground up rhinoceros horns and other things. Many men feel that seeking medical attention for their issues is a sign of weakness. When they feel pain, many of them believe that they should “take it like a man” and not complain. Probably, the most often used myth is the thought that even after people perceive that something is wrong because they feel pain or notice a growth that didn’t exist before or they detect a lump below the surface of the skin, that if they just leave it alone it will go away!

The net effect of these myths is that people avoid or postpone seeking medical care in many cases until it is too late. Most of the myths about healthcare are totally without merit. Cancer doesn’t spread because of exposure to air during surgery. In fact, when detected early, many cancer growths can be removed while the cancer is still restricted to the tissue it is affecting. Rhinoceros horns are made of the same thing as your fingernails. Have you ever heard of people biting their fingernails and getting healed? There is no real virtue in enduring pain. Usually, pain is often a warning sign signaling a problem in the body that needs to be addressed.

Advances in medical procedures now offer great hope for conditions that just a few years ago were unthinkable. Many more tests are now conducted in non-invasive manners. With the same amount of time and effort it takes to go online to find out what movie is playing at the theatre, you can find a wealth of information about free clinics, medical information, and the availability of specialists for all kinds of issues.

Ignorance is not bliss nor is silence golden if the lack of information and the failure to talk about problems keep you from good and effective healthcare. You owe it to yourself and the members of your family to reprioritize your spending decisions and reevaluate your ideas about healthcare. Reminiscing about the good ole days while flipping through the pages of the family photo album is nice, but a picture will never be as good as having you there to laugh with us when we see how you dressed back in the day.

Life isn’t nearly long enough as it is, let’s do everything we can to keep it. Our family needs you. We need to keep hearing your stories though we’ve heard them a thousand times before. We need to keep tasting your secret recipe favorite dish. And we need to be able to run into your arms and have you hold us tightly while you whisper in our ears that everything is going to be all right. By the way, I’ve decided that the next horse I ride will be in heaven. 3 John 1:2
Beloved, I wish above all things that thou mayest prosper and be in health, even as thy soul prospereth. God bless you.

The miracle worker Elijah’s successor lays sick on his bed. His king, hearing of his grave condition, rushes to his side and cries: “My Father, My Father.” Why is the King of Israel calling Elisha father? They weren’t related. The Bible offers no answer to the question. But knowing the nature and character of a “father” should allow for reasonable speculation. Could it be that in the eyes of the King, Elisha’s vast miracle working abilities may not have been his most impressive quality? In this critical moment when the heart’s real feelings emerge, the King doesn’t call Elisha, man of God, prophet extraordinaire or God’s mouthpiece. He calls him, what he knew him to be – father.

From the throne room to any boy’s room there is an almost desperate need for fathers or the fathering spirit. Great care must be given to make the distinction between fathers and males who sire children. In our society, where run away promiscuity is swiftly becoming the accepted norm, the need to distance the concept of father from that yet to be determined term for males having babies is great.

Indeed the gift of a fathering spirit is so special that God chooses to use the concept of father to describe his relationship with us. The fathering spirit is that rich blend of leadership, strength, courage, the ability to provide, compassion, wisdom and love found nowhere else in the human experience. Indeed we all must cherish and celebrate the brave women, whom left to themselves, devote their full energies to insuring that their children are cared for, nurtured and developed.

Those efforts are great and appreciated, but they do not qualify them to be called both mothers and fathers to their children.